Here we go.....

This was such a blessing for me. This packet that I just opened had a plan for every possible scenario that could be thrown my way. There were even grief booklets to help the grief process not be so .........I don't know how to put it........strange for lack of a better word. You see I have never lost a parent, I never had any grandparents , and I had never lost anyone close to me and I had no idea what to expect. Tammy gave me such helpful information. There was a plan there so that I could get every memory possible from the hospital in case she never got to come home. There was a plan in case she did make it home to set me up with hospice. There were poems, songs anything that could help me.
On Monday Joey and I went into her office to talk about our wishes for Rabecca. There were so many options that I never knew existed. For instance She hooked me up with a photographer from Mitchell's photography who did a VERY IMPORTANT service to mother who have a terminally ill child who won't make it very long after birth. The foundation is called NILMDTS (now i lay me down to sleep). They will come in within minutes of the arrival and take the sweetest pictures that you will ever see of your new baby. This is a free service to parents in the situation that I found myself in. Tammy had so many good things to offer. Anything that we needed or had questions about, she was there to guide us through it all. She showed us scrapbooks to help us keep her memory thriving, and many many other things to help us ease into this transition as easily as possible. Kindness was the key to all of this. It takes a very special kind of person to hold your hand as you go through the pain and despair of loosing a child.
I immediately began searching the web for special songs and poems that I wanted read at her funeral. I engulfed myself into making sure that she had the perfect funeral. I wanted it to be as beautiful as I thought she would be. Isn't it strange that even though I never met her in person that I could sit and imagine what she would be like , how her personality would be, what she might say if she could speak, what thoughts that she was thinking about her daddy and I. I believe in my heart that all of that was coming from Becca. I have to think sometimes that was her way of saying that "It's okay mommie, I'm gonna be just fine!" A strong soul is what I was carrying.